I am already behind.
The weight settles,
Before my feet even touched the floor.
Not from them.
Not from the world.
But from the silent war that rages within my mind.
I built a version of myself-
Polished, unshaken, always striving for more.
A monument to my own design.
Now, it looms over me-
Cold stone, unmovable,
Watching as I crumble beneath its weight.
I can’t fail.
I can’t stop.
I can’t let the cracks show,
Even if they’re spreading,
Threatening to tear me apart from the inside out.
Because what if they see past the mask?
What if I see past it?
And realize-
There’s nothing underneath?
Drowning isn’t sudden. It’s slow.
It’s a thousand tiny waves,
Each one pulling, pressing, suffocating,
Until I forget
what breathing felt like.
Some days, I wish I could disappear,
Not forever- just long enough
To escape myself.
To breathe outside of this weight of being me.
But I can’t let go.
I have to swim.
I have to make it-
Even if I don’t know
Who I am beneath the surface.
Maybe one day,
I’ll stop.
Look around.
And see-
The only one who caged me
Was me.