Scott’s heart sank when his brother opened the door. The once beefy heartthrob looked drained. His skin had a yellowish tinge, and his bloodshot eyes hinted at countless sleepless nights.
“Who are you and what have you done to my brother?”, Scott asked – a desperate attempt to conceal his uneasiness. Cliff gave a mirthless laugh.
“Well Scottie, don’t you remember how wrecked mom looked in the end?”
How could Scott forget the gruesome image of his mother? The cancer had slowly turned her into a mere husk of her former self.
He would still sometimes wake up with a jolt in the middle of the night, when her decaying body made an appearance in his dreams once again. Clara was always there to comfort him. He was beyond lucky to have her, his refuge, his safe haven.
Beads of sweat had formed on Scott’s forehead. Cliff gave him a contemplating look, then stepped aside.
“Come in Scottie, hope you’re not gonna be too shocked.”
A rancid scent lingered in the corridor. Scott followed Cliff into the kitchen. The smell got worse. Scott began feeling nauseous. He barely recognised the once impeccably clean room. Dirty dishes were piled up high in the sink, countless takeaway boxes with half-eaten food decorated the countertop, the stove was covered in grease. The frying-pan he had gifted his brother for Christmas four years ago – when they still celebrated together – was left untouched, still in its wrapping, next to the mess. Unopened mail flooded the table. Scott’s gaze was drawn to the newspaper on top of the pile. Its pages were turned to the obituary column.
“I know what you’re thinking, Scottie. I’m disgusted too. But I can’t be arsed cleaning it.”
Tears started to gather in Scott’s eyes. Was it the smell, which was becoming almost unbearable, or were his emotions taking over?
“Cliff…-”
“Don’t, Scottie…The reason I called wasn’t for you to pop by and pity me.” Cliff made a gesture as if to reach for Scott’s hand but hesitated and drew back.
“Treatment isn’t working, they’ve tried literally everything. They’ve given me two more months.” His voice faltered. “Two more months until I join mom.”
Scott sunk into one of the chairs. He was breathing heavily, covering his face with his hands. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, slipping off his chin, falling silently to the floor. As minutes passed, the only sound echoing through the kitchen, was his stifled sobs. When he finally looked up at Cliff, Scott’s eyes held pure desperation.
“For god’s sake, Cliff, why…why in the world didn’t you call earlier? Didn’t see you for two years and now you’re telling me you only got two more fucking months left to live?”
Cliff’s gaze was locked onto a distant focal point. His brother’s words didn’t seem to have penetrated his consciousness.
“There’s one last wish, one last dream, Scottie, I want to fulfil, before I bite the dust. Remember the place of that TV commercial, the one where mum would always say she wanted to go to one day? Mount Oberlin?”
Mount Oberlin. A vivid picture of the Montana Glacier National Park’s peak flashed before Scott’s eyes.
“Mummy, look!” Scott suddenly found himself plunged into his parents’ living room. He was sitting on the frayed carpet, next to Cliff, munching on apple slices. Their mother interrupted her focus on the pile of laundry in front of her.
“Oh, wonderful! One day I’ll take you there boys, I promise. Just us three.” She had a pondering look on her face. The bruise on her cheek was slowly healing up.
“What do you say, Scottie? You in?” Cliff’s words drew Scott back into the present moment. “What? Sorry, was just thinking about mom.”
Cliff was frantically picking his nails.
“Oh. Right. Well, as mom never got to take us there… I …” He took a deep breath. “I, er, wanted to ask if you’d like to join me. Like go hike Mount Oberlin together.”
His eyes pierced through his brothers’ and dragged Scott to a moment where Cliff had looked at him as intensely, two years ago. Cliff had just called Scott a buzzkill for refusing to have a fifth drink with him. He was progressively becoming more aggressive. The spitting image of their father.
“I’m just some sort of alcoholic business-douche you happen to be related to, right? You don’t even see me as your brother anymore.”
Scott cleared his throat, giving way to an avalanche of repressed thoughts.
“Cliff, to be fair, you’re hardly ever reaching out. You didn’t come to ours for Clara’s birthday. Was quite surprised you called to grab a drink today to be honest.”
Cliff scoffed.
“Can’t stand how you always need to rub your perfect little family in my face.”
“Well, maybe mum taught me what dad never did…how to actually respect women. Guess you missed that lesson.”
“Screw you!”, Cliff yelled, his face contorted with anger. He pulled a few crumpled banknotes out of his pocket and slammed them on the table. Then he stormed off.
Still lost in that memory, Scott heard himself mumble, distant and detached, as if standing beside himself. “I’ll…er…have to think about it, and…er…Clara…I’ve got to talk to Clara about all of this…and the kids…you know.” As if in a trance he rose from his seat and slowly made his way to the door. His head was pounding. “Cliff, I’ll … er… give you a ring once I’ve made up my mind.”
On his way home, Scott was barely able to focus on the road, his mind was a whirlwind of scattered thoughts. His eyes were swollen as if wrung out like a damp cloth. Suddenly, a sweet, familiar voice began to take hold in his mind.
“I want you to always, always take care of each other.” Their mother’s last words.
He still remembered the moment so vividly. He and Cliff left and right beside her deathbed, each holding one of her hands. Her grip loosened after she had uttered her plea. The loud beep of the heart monitor cut through the silence, and did not stop. Scott gasped for air, just like he did back then. He pulled into the parking lot of a Raising Cane’s and allowed his eyes to well up again with tears, raw and stinging like an open wound. It weighed on him. The unbearable certainty that he had failed to honour his mother’s last wish. Two years of silence, over some dumb quarrel. He should have swallowed his pride and reached out sooner, taking the high road. All these chemo sessions Cliff must have endured. Alone. And then coming home to an empty house. Scott’s heart ached, a heavy pull, deep in his chest.
Why the hell had he hesitated when Cliff asked him to go on that hike? He should have just said yes right then and there. He should have agreed to go. He had already let their mother down – he could not do the same to Cliff.
His own life had been feeling painfully stagnant lately too, as if he’d been drifting through life, waiting for something to happen. And Clara had been distant, withdrawn. The other night as they were sitting in the dim glow of their kitchen, she had asked him “Scott do you really feel like you’re living your life, like we are truly living our lives?” She had not waited for an answer. She just glanced at the clock and drew a sharp breath.
“Oh shoot, I have to go pick up Jimmy!” Then she had squeezed his hand, harder than ever before, and rushed out.
Now, as Scott sat in his car, his decision solidified. He would go to Mount Oberlin. No more hesitation. He was sure of it now, he would go, he had to go, he had to call Cliff and plan the trip with him and tell Clara and the kids and he pulled out of the parking lot and almost crashed into a pedestrian.
“You idiot!”, the man shouted as Scott slammed the breaks. Scott lifted a hand in apology. His heart was racing, he did not know whether it was from almost ending the life of a stranger or from the euphoric certainty that had just settled deep inside him.
“I’ll join you Cliffy!”, he shouted, his voice shaking with conviction.
He called him the same day, their first call in years. Somehow, he still knew the number by heart. They arranged to meet at Scott’s the next day to plan the trip.
“Daddy, uncle Cliff is outside!”
When Scott saw his brother’s pale face, a shiver ran through him. Cliff was dressed entirely in black, his hood up, making him look even more ghostly. Scott forced the corners of his mouth into a smile.
“Hi. Why didn’t you ring?”
“Er, yeah sorry, guess I needed a moment. Been a while since I rang your doorbell.” A faint blush crept up on Cliff’s face.
“Right…er…” Scott extended his left arm, slowly, reluctantly, until his hand grazed Cliff’s shoulder. They slowly shifted into a hesitant hug, stiff at first, then gradually growing firmer. Scott’s eyes blurred with tears. Cliff gave his shoulder an awkward pat, then pushed him away slightly.
Scott inhaled sharply. “Sorry man…anyways, erm, come on in.”
Inside he called with a rough and uneven voice.
“Kids come down and give uncle Cliff a hug!”
They reluctantly approached and two clumsy hugs ensued. They rushed back up again.
“Where’s Clara?”, Cliff asked.
“Oh, she’s working late today.”
“Mhm.”
“Yeah, shame that you guys probably won’t see each other.”
“Or ever again.”
It took Scott a moment to fully grasp the meaning of Cliff’s utterance. His mouth parted slightly but he was unable to offer a response. Cliff rubbed his palm against his thigh, then reached into his bag, rummaging for a moment.
“Erm anyways…I er… I brought cookies.” Cliff fished out a bright, red box and extended it to Scott.
“Oh, those are Clara’s favourites! I’ll save her some, thanks man.”
A couple hours later their trip was booked, everything except the flights.
Scott started entering his credit card details but Cliff lightly patted his hand.
“Nah man, let me pay. After all, I was the one who asked you to do this…and…erm…well money doesn’t really matter much anymore anyway. Oh also, I’d just book the flights back spontaneously, you know, maybe I won’t even need a flight back.” He chuckled bitterly.
Scott breathed heavily, saying nothing. Cliff tried to sound cheerful.
“Genuinely man, thank you for doing this with me. You can’t even imagine how much this means to me. Fulfilling the wish I’ve always been after.” For a brief instant, his face lit up.
“Let’s get some rest here.” Scott let the heavy backpack slide off his shoulders and tumble to the ground. They had arrived at the third checkpoint, a small recess which the rocky, narrow path twisted into. Despite nighttime slowly creeping in, warm air still wrapped around them like a comforting blanket. Throughout their hike they had not encountered a single other human being; it felt as though they were the only souls in existence.
“We might as well crash here tonight, what do you think?” Cliff was panting heavily.
“Here, have some water, you might be dehydrated, after all that effort.” Scott handed him the bottle, together with a worried look.
Cliff attempted a grin.
“Calm down, Scottie, it’s not like I’m gonna collapse. At least not today.” He gulped down the water in a few seconds, then plopped down to the ground, resting his head on his backpack.
“Thanks again for doing this with me, by the way. Means a lot.” His gaze was locked onto the sky, which was progressively getting darker.
“Yeah. If only mum could see us.”
“You think about her a lot?” Cliff turned his head inquiringly at Scott, who had settled himself beside him.
“All the time. She even likes to visit me in my dreams. Real nightmare-stuff.” Scott sighed.
“I feel you, Scottie. At least you have someone you can talk to about all this.”
“For sure, I do consider myself a lucky man. Though, uh, Clara has been quite distant lately.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it’s weird, like she’s there for me whenever I’m going through a rough patch… but besides that…er… the intimacy is gone. And I don’t only mean sex, she just isn’t as affectionate as she used to be… doesn’t share what’s going through her head at random moments anymore. Doesn’t shower me with kisses when I get home.” Scott inhaled sharply. “To be honest, I don’t even remember when she kissed me last. Man, I miss being close to her…”
Three stars adorned the night sky. Two were shining brightly, close to one another, their proximity amplifying their radiance. The third star lingered at a distance, dim and forlorn, slowly fading into obscurity.
“Hm, sorry to hear that, man.” Cliff hesitated for a moment, then he let the words roll off the tip of his tongue. “I know it’s not really my business, but… do you, er, suspect that she might be cheating?”
“Nah, Clara would never! We’re meant to be!” Scott’s troubled facial expression did not match his words. Cliff’s question had unearthed a memory that Scott had long been trying to bury deep within his mind.
He had just come home from a gruelling meeting and found the children in the kitchen with cookie crumbs and guilt smeared all over their faces as they had managed to raid the cookie jar from the top cupboard.
“We’re hungry, daddy!”
“Where’s mummy? Clara?”, he called.
“Mummy’s not home, daddy! Can we get pizza?”
It hadn’t been until midnight that Scott heard the keys clinking. He had tried to call Clara ten times, each time it had gone straight to voicemail, his numerous texts had not even been delivered.
“There you are! Are you okay, honey? Where have you been? I’ve been super worried…Why didn’t you pick up?” The questions were uncontrollably seeping out of him, like blood from a deep wound. He stretched out his arms to initiate a hug, but she rushed past him, eyes glued to the floor.
“Afterwork drinks. I had told you about it, Scott. How about you started actually listening?”
The bathroom door had slammed shut. Scott had thought he’d noticed a faint scent of aftershave in the air. Later that night he had faked a panic attack in hopes that Clara would grace him with a hint of affection again.
“You sure man? I mean I’d be worried if I were you.” It almost seemed as though Cliff had been reliving Scott’s flashback too.
“Yeah…I know her. She would never do that.” The concerned expression remained on Scott’s face. “Anyways…oh, look, the moon!” Scott jumped up and walked to the edge of the path.
“Hey, help me up, will you?” Cliff’s hand was ice cold. Scott continued holding onto it as they took in the scenery. The moon immersed Mount Oberlin in a mystical blue light. This third checkpoint was high up, rewarding them with a breathtaking view of the mountainous region.
Scott chuckled. “Just like the commercial. Oh, mum would’ve loved this…Who would’ve thought that both of us would be standing here together one day?” He allowed his lungs to slowly fill with the crisp air, breathing deeply for the first time in ages. Cliff did not offer an answer, nor a reaction. “Especially after having been so distant from each other the last years.”, Scott added cautiously.
“As if we had ever been close.” Cliff shook his hand loose. “Do you remember how you loved to kick the back of my leg in elementary school, right in front of your friends? Like this?” He nudged the back of Scott’s leg lightly. Scott laughed.
“We were just kids, Cliff. No biggie. Let’s enjoy this now.”
Cliff took a step back to the recess, then he turned around and kicked his brother in the same spot, as hard as he could. Scott lost his balance and slid down the edge. In a desperate reflex, he managed to reach up and grasp a protruding ledge. Dangerously dangling in mid-air, he angled his face upward toward his brother.
“Oh really? No biggie?”, Cliff shouted.
“Cliff, what are you doing, please stop this bullshit …” Scott was gasping for air. His palms were becoming sweatier, loosening his grip. “What the hell has gotten into you? This is not you…”
“Oh Scottie, you don’t know who I am. You never did. Not even when we were children.” Cliff gazed down upon Scott with vacant eyes. An icy wind suddenly whispered through the air.
“Cliff, please…I can’t hold it any longer, please, please, Cliff!” Scott’s eyes held nothing but raw, unmitigated panic. His face bore a crimson flush of exhaustion, a testament of the strenuous ordeal he was enduring. He let out a loud, desperate grunt.
His brother stepped closer. His spiky hiking boots almost caressed Scott’s fingertips.
“Help me up, Cliff, brother…I am sorry for everything, Cliff, I am begging you…” Tears were tumbling down his chin into the abyss.
Cliff tilted his head. His lips formed a faint smile. He looked as if he were contemplating a flower, unsure whether to nurture it or pluck its petals.
“Oh Scottie…” He extended his hand as if he was finally going to lift him up. “You silly, silly boy…” Suddenly he appeared as healthy as ever, as vigorous as ever, as radiant as ever, as cruel as ever.
A cloud had drifted in front of the moon, enveloping them in profound darkness. Only the lonely star remained, flickering faintly. Cliff paused in his gesture of apparent help, then abruptly pressed his thick hiking soles onto Scott’s hands. Scott’s agonised cries pierced through the valley. “Farewell, Scottie.” Cliff stepped back, and Scott, mid-scream, fell. A sharp thud ensued, echoing across the dizzying height. The silence that followed hung heavy in the thin air.
Cliff remained in place, motionless, his breathing measured and tranquil.
“Mummy, uncle Cliff is outside!”
“Let him in, kids, and give him a hug!”
After hearing the kids race back upstairs to finish watching their show, Clara stepped out of the dark hallway.
They locked eyes and embraced each other tightly, their lips meeting in a passionate kiss, their souls aligning as if they were one, inseparable and complete.
In Loving Memory
It is with deep sorrow that we announce the tragic passing of our
Dearly beloved Scott Andrews.
Inspiring father, husband, brother, he touched the life of many.
Oh, may his soul find eternal peace.
Till we meet again, forever in our hearts.
Clara, Jimmy, Jackson and Cliff