i. Sitting next to me
But there’s nothing there, dead eyes
And now, she is gone
Where, where are you now
How can I see you, but not
Right in front of me
Universe, I search
Did a ship take you away
To planets, so far?
If you’re there on Mars
I’ll build my own rocket ship
I’ll find you somehow
Merciful distance
If only it was distance,
Distance I could cross
Mountains I would climb
Seven oceans I’d sail
Dragons I would slay
I mourn not for flesh
Lie at the grave not of bones
But seek a lost soul
Time – was I too late?
Did I watch you fade away
Are you on Neptune
are you gone already.
ii. Please take me away
Away from this place I hate
Please, it’s not too late
Trapped in my own head
Let’s run away to Venus
From these lives of ours
Merciful distance
From all these people, too loud
Life’s better on Mars
Don’t wait at the grave
Don’t stop CPR
Not proclaimed dead, yet.
Mountains we can climb
Seven oceans we’ll sail
Dragons we will slay
If we went away
Something that’s just ours, on Mars,
Let’s leave it behind
I’m not here right now
Words behind stubborn silence
But my lips won’t move
Hair trigger match, now,
I extinguish my arsons
No trace, no crime, and…
Not gone yet.
i. Afraid to touch glass
Too fragile for clumsy hands
But no, not done yet.
How do I tear down,
Invisible walls of yours
come back home to me
What corner of this
Bright northern lights galaxy
Are you hiding in
Tell me, are you home
Are the stars calling your name
And did you answer?
Kill this Hiraeth
Homesick but I can’t return
And I can’t follow.
And maybe I have
Saturn eyes, no rings, but yours
But yours are woodland
And the flowers wilt
You went away for winter
So I wait for spring
No moonlit glimmer
So why, why can I only
See you in the sky
Wish on shooting stars
reach. Grasping air, grasping stars,
Earth to this spaceship
Call. Houston, we have
some problems. I can’t, repair
And too scared to try
But what if I can
Fill your cracks with gold, and I
reach. Grasping not stars, Earth.
This birth of a star
I witness, blinded, frozen
This is not your death.
so, reach. So I reach
for you, and I feel a pulse
And I feel your warmth
In just your hand, palm
Interwine fingers, I see
not proclaimed dead yet.
And I hold, hold on
I’m building a rocket, and I’m
Taking you from Mars
My nepenthes are
On neptune still, still, too still
So I reach for stars
Neptune have mercy
I hope, I pray for calm seas
Will you indulge me
I want my home
back.
ii. Sinking. Drowning, then,
Just one hand, you pull me out
Of this.
Defy these laws of
Physics. time. matter. and I
am not proclaimed dead
Tell me, what are these
Mercurial tendencies
Tendencies of mine
Explain to me why
Do I steer myself to my
Destruction. Again.
Why be forgiving
Time and time again, why, why
But you’re here now,
Now and again and again and forever.